This is the year I’ve been waiting for my whole entire life. Every year of school since Kindergarten has prepared me for this year. Every teacher made it seem like I would finally know who I was my senior year. As an elementary student, I felt that I would be the smartest I’d ever be in this year. I would finally be tall and look like an adult!
Well… considering I’m only five foot, I figured that was when I started to come to the realization that I may be done growing in height but I’m not done growing mentally. I don’t exactly know who I am yet as a person but I am definitely closer than I’ve ever been to cracking the code.
All the time I’ll get the questions: “Where do you want to go to college?” and “Do you know what you want to major in yet?” As these questions are being asked my heart starts to race and I feel so unprepared for the next stage of my life that is only nine months away. Nine months. I have nine months to figure out who I want to be in the world. Nothing has ever scared me more than that idea right there. Actually, that’s a lie because the ACT is pretty intimidating as well. But! I can’t help but feel that my life’s path is slowly unraveling as I walk its broken trail. Does that mean that I don’t have to put any work in? NO! But I know that it will get figured out and stressing about it won’t do anything positive.
Life is hard. It just is at times. But we can choose to make the best of it or the worst. This time in life is especially difficult because this is a year to be focused on yourself. That is so much easier said than done. I feel that in the past and definitely still today, I am so focused on trying to make others happy and always trying to fit everyone’s mold that they already had in mind for me. But through this, was I happy? Why don’t I love myself as much as I do others? When I got to thinking on that question it really hurt me. I had all of these things I wanted to do in my life, this blog being one. And here I am a year later starting it back up. But it took me a year. I started asking myself the question: Do I not love myself enough to fulfill a goal of mine? I think it’s always so important to come back to the core questions of: “Why am I doing this?”, “Who is it for?”, and “Am I happy?”
My number one fear throughout high school was being judged. Was I pretty enough? How bad is my acne today? What do people actually think of me? If I wear this will people make comments? All of these thoughts were so negative. They needed to end. I really had to have a conference with myself and say, “Look, I’m not perfect and I never will be, but neither is anyone else.” We all have such unique traits and things that we like that makes us stand out so what good does it do to hide them? I became so much happier when my senior year rolled around and I decided that I was going to be 100% myself. I became so much more energetic in a room. So much more outgoing and kind because I wanted to show people what I had to offer in a friendship and the way people reacted to my (what felt new) self has only been positive. People admire confidence. Granted, there are still times I shy away from people who I think wouldn’t want to talk to me but I realize that that is a part of the learning process. None of this is easy and it makes you feel vulnerable. But at the end of the day, I know that I lived another day being the person I truly wanted to be and that makes me happy. Being me makes me happy.
My goal for anyone who reads this whether you’re a senior, underclassman, a graduate, or even if you already have a career, kids, and a family is to just be yourself. Always listen to your heart and your needs. Don’t worry about what other people are saying or what you think they may be saying about you. I feel that we get lost in the stress and mess of it all and we forget that the reason for life is happiness. All that matters is that you love yourself for you and that you learn exactly how to do just that. Take time out of your day to spend on yourself. Maybe that means taking a nap or turning off your phone for thirty minutes to read a book, journaling, yoga, or even just doing something you genuinely love to do. Do what you love and happiness will have your back.
Have an amazing day today. You’ve got this! (:
I am an eighteen year old who wants to blog for the teenage girls.