All of my travel diary posts have been very upbeat but as we all know, it is not possible to be happy all of the time. My mom once told me that if we didn’t have the bad moments we wouldn’t be able to recognize the amazing ones for what they are. So for today’s post, it is going to get a little deep. I hope people can relate to what I am going through and that I can help the people around me to not feel alone.

When I first thought of this trip, I expected it to be one that was life-changing and that I would discover a little more about myself while I’m here. I’m not saying this won’t be a trip I remember forever because I have made so many great memories, but it has been a struggle at times.

Since I’ve arrived, I have felt very lonely. I miss my friends, I miss my family, and my stable life that I had back home. At home, I felt that I was in a very good place. It was my senior year, I made a lot of amazing friends, the things I enjoyed doing such as helping the choirs I am in were going great for me. School was actually fun for once. I thought that going on this trip could only make it better with the new person that I felt that I was.

But it’s hard. It’s hard coming to a new place, not knowing the language, not having your best pals by your side, and not having the chance to fully express your personality since I am around a bunch of people I do not know who all know each other.

Today was really rough for me. I want so badly to just go out and talk to new people with ease like I could in Ohio but here I feel that that is not my place. I feel that since everyone already knows each other that it would just be odd to add in another person.

The reason I felt the need to share this is because I know this feeling occurs in people who are even just living in their normal area, or when people move to a new place, or even foreign exchanged students. I am always talking about going out and just talking to new people on my blog and how they probably want to talk to you too. But now, I think I have realized that that is so hard. It is really challenging to branch out. When’s the right moment? Will they like me? What if they don’t actually want to talk to me? What if I’m just a bother?

I don’t have the answers to those questions like I wish I did or at least right now I feel that I definitely don’t as well as I thought I did.

While I’m here, I want to kind of do a social experiment and really try and branch out to the people I’ve been wanting to talk to. I will say that typing that sentence out made my heart race because I am really scared. I’m an extroverted introvert and it always seems like the two are battling each other. I love being extroverted but why is my introverted self holding me back? Why do I have these doubts in my head when I won’t even see these people again in 9 days?

I skyped two of my friends today from back home and just seeing their faces made me cry on the call. Maybe this is the feeling of being homesick but I want nothing more than to hug each and every one of them. It’s hard to leave the people who make you feel safe and loved. I never thought once while preparing for this trip that I would really miss anyone this much since I was going to travel and explore! But that was not the case.

I really want to help people feel safe and secured and I want to be a person who is inviting and with that being said, I invite all of you this week to talk to someone new. Not someone kind of new to you but someone completely different. Someone you never thought you’d talk to in a million of years.

I’d also love to hear any feedback if you are willing to share. What was easy about it? What was hard? What did you learn? Did anything surprise you about that person? Have your opinions changed about them?

We live in a world where we are scared to be ourselves and branch out. Some of us are better at it than others but until this trip, I always thought it was easy to start a conversation in large groups. I learned that there is a side of me that still is trying to pull me back.

My purpose for this blog post is not to be negative or to sound ungrateful for this wonderful opportunity to travel to a new country. But, I want my posts to be real and I don’t think it would truly be real if I didn’t share the hard times as well. My number one goal is to help my readers and to have something to read that is fun at times but also relatable. We can help each other go through our troubles and no one’s troubles should be considered less than another.

Let’s live a life of helping and healing each other because that is a life worth living.

                                            With much love,

Laurel ❤

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