Long-time, no blog! Let me tell you, ladies, things have been HAPPENING! But! the reason I am blogging this update/lesson is that it is one of true importance and I don’t think I fully understood it until this weekend.

Just a little update, I had my first college audition this weekend which was really scary but so exciting! I am currently in a musical at my school called Freaky Friday playing the daughter and that has been so hard and a lot of work (we’ll touch more on that later.) I just got a new job! Also, over this weekend I have been able to talk to a couple of people and that time for me was really necessary. SO let us get into it!

Over the past couple of months I haven’t been blogging not only because of all of the work I’ve had to do and the stress it was causing me but I also fell into somewhat of a depression. I hate saying that “I was depressed” because I want to have my head on my shoulders and be a positive motivator to others but sometimes, we just have to get stuck in a rut. So much was/has been happening in my life that was stressing me out: my musical, my schoolwork, staying up to date with family and friends, going to work, getting prepared for college auditions and honestly college in general and I just started to feel lost. I felt like I was trying to push through and give every area of my life 110% but that is just so unrealistic. I didn’t feel like my fun, outgoing Laurel anymore. I felt that I was pushing people away so that they wouldn’t uncover the fact that I’m not as strong as I’m making myself out to be, always saying to them, “I’m fine.”

But I broke.

I had a sleepover with all of my best friends one night and I just broke down into sobbing tears, crying, and not being able to breathe. And that was just not me.

One of my friends took me upstairs to a bed and I just shared everything that had REALLY been happening in my life. For once, I opened up and had someone listening to me. Side note: I always had a fear of sharing my personal things with my friends because I wanted to be the friend who helped them not vice versa. I wanted to be stable, “always has good advice” friend. But, when I shared everything and had someone listen to me, I felt like a WEIGHT just got lifted off of my chest. I needed that.

Fast forward to before this weekend. Even though I did feel better after, I still felt like I was stuck in a hole with everything I had to do.

But this weekend helped me immensely!

The first thing I did was my college audition. I was extremely nervous the whole drive down there but I still felt prepared and good. It really did help that it was a beautiful day, too. (: I did my audition, talked to one of the professors, walked around and every experience I had was so positive. It was a first look into what my life can be like after high school when I will no longer be in this rut. It felt refreshing. When I got home I just started to feel like myself a little bit more because I knew that there was more out there then what I was going through at that moment in time.

The next day I woke up really late in the afternoon from exhaustion and it always kind of sucks when you wake up late because you feel like your day is wasted. I fell back into a stressful depression, drowning in everything that I needed to get done. I woke up, took a bath, ate, and literally went back to my room, turned off the lights, and got back in bed. But I knew that that was not healthy for me at all. So I got up and called a really good college friend of mine for advice on how to get through this musical that I am currently in. I just felt that I wasn’t going to be able to successfully perform this show that everyone has been looking forward to. I didn’t want to be a disappointment; not only to everyone but to myself. She ended up giving me some of the most helpful advice that really changed my whole mindset on this show. I facetimed a couple of other people as well after that to boost up my mood and it really just made me realize that people do support you even when you aren’t supporting yourself. You need to put away how you see yourself and take in what your supporters are saying to you. Surround yourself with people who have your back and when you are not okay, it is OKAY to reach out to people to ask for help.

LASTLY! I got a new job! This story is truly magical. I currently have a job and I was not searching for a new job AT ALL because I didn’t necessarily have a good reason to quit the job I currently have and I also didn’t want to be job searching right now. But, at the start of this weekend one of my friends texted me and was like, “Hey, are you looking for a job?” and I was just kind of like, “What kind of job?”… a little curious but not really thinking too much about it. We talked about it and she was explaining everything to me and she, right off the bat, was asking when I could come in to interview. I wasn’t exactly on board yet but at the same time I wasn’t against it so she got me an interview that next Monday (which is today)! I even told her, “Don’t get your hopes up, though, because I already have a job.” And I truly didn’t think I was going to take it. But I go to the interview and I just knew I had to take this job! I just saw a future for me being less stressed, making more money, having more fun, and I am just so thankful that she kept pushing on and convincing me the way she did. I appreciate it so much now.

It just blows my mind that the best things happen when you least expect it. I am so excited about this new job, for my opportunities with college, and to be in the musical I am in. AND HOW DID THIS ALL HAPPEN!?!?!?

The lovely people around me.

You can’t do this alone. Don’t ever think that you are strong enough to go through what you are going through by yourself. I wouldn’t have been able to have all of these opportunities without my family and friends. When you are upset, reach out. You deserve to be listened to. You deserve a break. You deserve advice. As soon as you try to bottle everything up to come off as strong and secure, you will break. Easily. It is okay to not be okay. It doesn’t make you less of a good person. It will only bring you up, heal you, and make you feel more appreciated. Whatever is happening in your life, share it with your supporters. They love you and want to know how you truly are. Give them that so you can be happy.

Thank you for reading my TEDTalk. (; Be happy my lovelies.

Laurel ❤

{SOMETHING FUN: I got this horoscope app recommended by a friend and it is so accurate I swear. It is called Co-Star and it’s nifty and cool. You should try it!}

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